To put it simply, I have small hands. I’m not sure why, because I really am a normal-sized person… but my hands are abnormally small and while I suppose I could feel self-conscious about it, I instead have decided to embrace my tiny little helpers for what they are and focus on some of the awesome things I can do that would be difficult with average-sized appendages at the ends of my arms.
05. Getting Things Out of “The Black Hole”
In my car, and in most cars with two front seats and a center console, there are gaps between the seats and that convenient little compartment that I use for storing air fresheners and random car-charging cords: I call that space “The Black Hole.” It was dubbed thus because of the simple fact that it sucks almost everything in the lap of either myself or my passengers into its hideous gaping grasp and then proceeds to be in such a shape that normal hands can only brush said item with the tips of their fingers, never able to actually retrieve it but instead forced to almost have it for the duration of the car trip. Cell phones, sandwiches, wads of cash, keys, small pets- you name it, the black hole has claimed it as its own at some point or another. Fortunately, my hands are so small that I can simply squeeze through the space and delicately retrieve the lost merchandise, usually while
in the midst of driving safely stationary at a red light.
04. Wearing Children’s Gloves
Let’s just be honest for a second here: pretty much all cute things are made in children’s sizes. Cute hats for their tiny little cold heads, cute socks for their tiny little cold feet, cute shoes to cover the cute socks so they don’t get wet or dirty… I could go on for ages. However, once cute item made for children that I can take full advantage of is gloves! Now, on frosty mornings, I can slip on mittens with owl faces on the palms and give every single person I wave to a huge smile because, well, hoo doesn’t want to be wished “Good morning!” by an owl mitten? Answer: nobody. (Also, please forgive me for the “hoo” bit, I couldn’t help myself.)
03. Winning “Smallest Hands” Contests
To be fair, I suspect I only win so many of these because I challenge people to them so very often, but I’m including it nevertheless. I usually start out calm and cool, saying something about how small my hands are, pretending like I’ve only just noticed the anomaly. Without fail, the person next to me usually says something like, “Oh, they’re not so small! Now, I have small hands!” This is because people like to compete over silly things. People like to win. Then, we compare. You know, the palms-against-each-other move where each person is insisting that the other is somehow cheating by moving their hand from the correct position… yeah, that move. And then I bask in the glory of having the title of “Smallest Hands Contest Champion of the World.” Glory.
02. Being Able To Untie Really Tiny Knots
I don’t know about you, but I’m a woman, and I have lots of jewelry. I don’t know about you, but I’m disorganized, and my jewelry likes to party hardcore, usually getting very tangled in the process. This can result in miniscule knots of gold and silver chain that need the attention of someone with extremely tiny digits. Me. This benefit could also apply to men with large amounts of jewelry, men who use other things that get tangled into really tiny knots (like fishing line, or dental floss!), and women who use other things that get tangled into really tiny knots (see above for examples). Yes, I’m bragging about untangling stuff. I don’t see a problem.
01. Fitting into a Pringles Can
Well, this one seems pretty straight-forward. Pringles come in cans. People with normal-sized hands have the opportunity to munch on the first, say, 10 or so Pringles without tipping the can over and sloshing the chips out in an effort to help them make the incredible journey to an extremely satisfied stomach. I, however, can simply continue to reach into the can to retrieve those creatures of delicious crunchiness handcrafted by the mysterious mustachioed man with his distinguished portrait on the label without ever needing to slosh. And if you don’t understand the gravity of this no sloshing perk, I
can’t say I blame you have nothing else to say to you, because it is inconsequential absolutely life-changing.